I love bacon. Oh, do I love bacon. Bacon, added to anything, is a recipe for success. It’s why we have such culinary delights as Baconnaise, Bacon Salt, Bacon Vodka, and the marvel that is the bacon-wrapped banana. So why not put it into delicious disease form? After all, cows and chickens have their diseases, why not those lovable, tasty porkers, too?
Well, wait no longer, bacon fans, because we have a porcine pandemic on our hands, and it is called “swine flu”. This, on top of avian flu and mad cow disease, has rendered most livestock inedible for fear of prions/chickenpox/hoof-and-mouth-disease/death. Soy burgers are looking pretty good now, huh? (Not really. Soy burgers are gross. Give me festering prions any day.)
So far, 20 cases have been confirmed in the United States, with the only deaths – 103 suspected and 22 confirmed, at last count – occurring in Mexico. Suspected instances of the disease are present in New Zealand and Israel, with the World Health Orgaization warning that the disease could become a global problem very shortly. A public health emergency was declared in the United States as well. Funnily enough, according to Reuters, there’s no evidence that contact with pigs has anything to do with the cases observed. So why is it called swine flu? It is a mystery. (ETA: The virus has genetic elements from pigs, but also humans and birds, so really it should be called Mutant Flu.) Until there’s more information gathered, and vaccines possibly created by the CDC in bulk, the smartest thing to do is practice basic flu-season (and hopefully just basic in general) hygiene – washing hands, covering one’s mouth when one sneezes, and, in really affected areas, wearing surgical masks (provided for free by the Mexican government via the army).
Further bacon flu bulletins as events warrant. In other news, baby robins hatched next to the White House press briefing room on Thursday bear an awful resemblance to science-fiction monsters:
The beasts! They hunger!
I can’t decide if they’re cute or scary. Quite possibly they’re some strange combination of the two.
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They are scary.
How the heck can Obama tell us not to panic! THESE PIGS ARE CRAZZZZZZZZZZZY!
Time to destroy all the little piggies. No bacon for anyone! Muhawahhahahahahahahaah
Geez–I go away to Vegas for one damn weekend, and I come back to a world gone MADDDDDD!!! Swine flu, earthquakes, and PM has been replaced by PD–it’s just ALL WRONG!!!!
PS: What the hell happened, and why, with PM???
Hi, PCL. Wondered where you were. Hope you had a good weekend. We did provide some nice weather for our guests, didn’t we.
I’m with PCL on the PM change, etc. I was on PM yesterday. Left to run a few errands and when I came back it was PD. I’ve roamed around there today but I don’t think I like it. Maybe I’m just too old to adjust to change.
Cube, before we kill all the little piggies, do you think I could talk someone into flash freezing some ribs and pork chops. If I’m gonna die from some animal flu, at the least I want to go out with a good last meal.
Nooo! We can’t kill all the pigs! Then where will I get my bacon?
And if anyone dares suggest turkey bacon, then I shall challenge them to a duel, pistols at dawn. Piggy bacon > all.
I’m with ya Alex–turkey bacon is just WRONG!
Hi Peggy–thanks to your lovely city for the fine weather and good time. I am starting to get used to PD, but I’m not loving that 5 comment/page limit–gonna be tough to wage battles over there. LOL.
lol PCL…
me thinks thats why the change…to calm the natives…
Glad you are back, missed ya mucho!
Nice article Alex!!
looking forward to the next!
Hi Michelle–missed you too. How was Cube’s show on Saturday? I think he has a winner for this Saturday with the whole elimination of PM and being replaced by the EVIL PD!!
lol PCL
I could only hear the show this past Sat. had issues with the chat…
and I bet you are right about the show being the next big thing, now that PM is dead and gone…
thank goodness, Tommy and Cube have their sites, at least we can all keep in touch via their worlds…lol
Thanks Guys!!
Hopefully, they will tweek the issues it has, needs a tab to go to most recent posts for sure, hate clicking through 5 comments at a time, another thing I have noticed, some of the recent posts, may be within the pages, because you can reply to a particular post..
Im sure they saw what PM was becoming, a trollfest, and all the fighting surely put it over the top for changes…
what is it that they say in France?
Michelle,
Vissez les trolls? Or did you mean, c’est la vie? LOL
I am getting better with PD. I do like the ‘reply’ button and how it emails you when someone has responded to one of your post and you can reply from your email. Still would like a ‘most recent’ button though–going through 5 comments at a time, is BOGUS!!
I wonder if you can get just enough swine flu to loose the beer gut from jazz fest?
[...] There’s no good pig, like a dead little pig. Preferably, the pink and cuddly ones. Like that douche from [...]